Random Post About People Who Need People

So, today I was contacted by the Bible Study leader.  She said she’d read yesterday’s blog post and felt really bad that I thought I wasn’t wanted at the Bible Study.  She also said she’d be more than happy to get together with me in the next week to go over the first week’s lesson.  Now I feel guilty for making her feel bad and for making her have to do more work all because of my roadblocks.  I think I’ll be okay if I don’t go over it with her.  And yes, I do plan on attending in two weeks—come Hell or high water!  Can I say that without offending anyone?  I guess I just did.

Anyway, now that that’s settled and I’m going to keep on keeping on with my original plan, I was freed up mentally to do a little cleaning of my house this morning. And, man did it need it! I did some deep thinking, but not so much deep cleaning.  With my other book, an agent asked me what was at stake.  In other words, what would have happened if I hadn’t explored death?  I had to do some soul searching on that one, but I finally figured it out.  I used to have pretty bad social anxiety and looking at death helped me to live.  And I imagine you’re totally thinking What???  I assure you it will make more sense if you read the book.  Maybe one day you’ll have that opportunity, but don’t hold your breath or anything.

In 2010, I went through four months of cognitive behavioral therapy through a study at SMU and my fight or flight kookiness really got better after that. I could write an entire week’s worth of blog posts on the crazy stuff they made us do in therapy, but I don’t want to completely veer off track.  Okay, here’s one thing because you’re probably thinking I’m being sort of secretive.  It involved trying on ugly/ill-fitting clothes and then walking around a retail establishment asking random strangers what they thought about my ensemble. So, anyway, I’m still not a social butterfly or anything, but I’m no longer avoiding situations that involve people.  And that’s a good thing.

So, this got me thinking about why I’m doing this particular exploration.  I’m going to let Barbara Streisand, a very talented Jewish singer answer it for me with a song.

Confused?  Are you thinking, but Pamela, I thought you wanted to find God?  What’s this about people?  Well, here’s the thing.  My husband and I moved to Texas two years ago on my fortieth birthday. It was like 100 degrees outside and I felt like Samantha in Sixteen Candles, except everyone knew it was my birthday, but they had to move my couch inside and that was probably more important than celebrating the fact that I was turning the big 4-0.  Sorry for the digression.  What I’m trying to say is that it is difficult to make friends in a new town when you’re old and prone to profuse sweating in the presence of strangers.

So, I went to therapy.  And I met one friend, but not in therapy.  I met my friend through the PTA at my kids’ school.  And the thing is, she’s really religious.  And I’m not.  This is the Bible belt, ya’ll.  I’m surrounded.  And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing.  I’m just saying, I’m curious to see what everyone is so excited about.  I’m also a smart shopper in that I’m not going to pick the first place I find.  I want to explore several places (and that would be 12 because a year sounds like a reasonable plan) to see what’s out there.

And that involves going out and meeting people.  In houses of worship.

Are we on the same page now?  Good.  You can go back to whatever you were doing.

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6 Responses to Random Post About People Who Need People

  1. “I’m curious to see what everyone is so excited about. I’m also a smart shopper in that I’m not going to pick the first place I find. I want to explore several places … to see what’s out there.”

    Good for you, Pamela!

  2. First of all, I’m surprised you seem so certain that “looking at death helped me to live” is going to be a peculiar concept to your readers. I can only speak for myself, but I know a whole lot of people who have found a more important relationship with their own acts of living through a relationship – wanted or unwanted – with death, whether a near-death experience, some form of ritual in which death was encountered, or through the death of a loved one. It’s one of the reasons I love reading your blog.

    Secondly, I find the concept of THIS blog totally fascinating. I have a hard time believing in the concept of God, but I have a hard time believing in nothing, too. I love that you’re approaching the wild world of mystery by simply setting forth to explore and see what speaks to you. I’m really looking forward to hearing what you discover.

    • Having to go out and meet people forced me to engage with the living. Like literally. It wasn’t just about death and discovering the finite nature of life. I was kind of a hermit but I had to write a thesis. It’s possible, I could have written my thesis on something else that forced me to go out and talk to people and it would have had the same result. I don’t know.

      Thanks for supporting me with your presence in the quest. it’s kind of cool to have people watching. It really holds me accountable. Plus, it forces me to think and reflect a bit more before I speak.

  3. JT O'Neill says:

    LOVE it! Love the little hand play/rhyme at the end – getting ready for the next Bible Study? (I don’t mean to offend anyone – it was just so damn cute!) –

    BTW, silly me, I like the idea of putting on some funky clothes and walking around asking people what they think! I CAN hang out with people. I mostly just don’t want to (except when I am at work and the people are somewhere between 5 and 14 years old).

    • It’s not for two weeks, but I have to do my study for the day. I’m bad. I didn’t do it yesterday. I wrote my blog post last night and then finished a really funny book. It’s called “Let’s Pretend this Never Happened.” I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard while reading a book. I could really relate to her on so many levels. She’s a pretty famous blogger, but I’m not the keyed in to the blogging scene, so I’d never heard of her, but she’s a hoot.
      Anyway, then I felt guilty. Then I didn’t do it this morning because I went to the gym and then prepared some questions for an interview I was doing today for the other blog. Tonight I will do two days worth of Bible Study in one day. And probably drink something caffeinated and won’t be able to fall asleep.

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